I have learned a lot from all of my children – about who I am, what matters, how right my own mother was! What it means to listen, to really listen, as a mom and as a therapist, was shown to me through my journey with my youngest child. In today’s blog, I’d like to start at the beginning of that journey.
When I was pregnant with my third daughter, I thought I knew all that I needed to know to take good care of her and enjoy doing it. I had two children who were healthy and happy and well-adjusted and I hadn’t broken them or steered them wrong. I was going to relax with this new baby. I was going to revel in her small-ness and snuggle her all day and not worry as much about schedules and routines and all the concerns of new moms. I knew how to do this. I really had given it that much thought! So when just days after my sweet girl was born I learned that she was deaf, I was more than a little thrown. I did not know how to do this.
*More than 95% of deaf and hard of hearing babies are born to hearing parents.*
For five days I thought everything was fine. I fed her and held her and shared her with her sisters. I was a tired but happy and confident mom. Minutes after learning she was deaf, I questioned everything. How could it be that she hadn’t heard me sing to her, talk to her, let her know I was there? Was she scared? Was she ok? How would I tell her stories and talk to her about boys? I had so much to learn and it did not feel like I would ever have the energy it would take to figure it all out.
*My daughter was the first deaf person I ever knew.*
I remember those days early in her life. I felt lost when I thought too much, but she was happy and healthy and she responded to me. She liked to be close. She liked to eat! She liked to sway and dance. I remember feeling silly singing to her because she couldn’t hear me. I touched my lips to her forehead as I sang and hummed anyway. I touched my face to her cheek when I told her I loved her. She couldn’t hear me, but I could listen to her, for her. I could pay attention in a new way.
If you are the parent of a new baby who is deaf or hard of hearing and want information on resources for you or your child, connect with the MA Universal Newborn Hearing Screening Program.